to where it all started.
www.loveintheruins.blogspot.com
I have my reasons, most of them have to do with aesthetics and being on a budget. I tried to make wordpress work, but alas I am not as savvy as I had once thought.
after a year and a half, we are finally looking for a house. we avoided this for awhile, as there were so many questions as to what we were going to be doing, if we would be staying, etc. etc. etc.
it looks like we are staying. at least for the immediate future.
how do I feel about this?
I feel hopeful. I feel displaced. I feel confused. I feel at peace. I feel all of these things to various degrees.
I feel ready for a home. a place for us, that has our mark and love and energy.
I am one those people whose relationship to their home really matters. It anchors me in many ways.
I am ready to have one again.
So, we jareds are getting our ducks in a row. talking to mortgage lenders. obsessing over real estate sites. we’ve got the neighborhoods narrowed down. now- a patient wait for the right place.
some questions still loom….I feel like I do not have a big remodel in my heart this go round. So, we ask our self it it’s worth paying more for a house to have things more or less done. Last house, though we loved that little place, we poured alot of money into that home that we never got back. I really don’t want to do that again.
at any rate, we enter into an exciting phase of our life here in Tulsa. I am excited about this step, and hoping it brings a greater measure of stability and home.
I am also eager to give away many, many things. let the purging begin
I always feel a bit shy I after I wax dramatically about a bad week. I really am not all doom and gloom. but it is true that I am, sometimes.
I am sensitive, what can I say?
This week feels a bit better. I just feel so raw coming off this last year. Like the wound is healing, but still fairly tender. doesn’t take much to make me bleed.
thankfully, I approached this week with a bit more hope.
made lists. with meals.
actually cooked and have meals planned for the week.
I feel so lame when I see friends of mine caring for multiple children. You guys must think I am a whiner!
here are some pics of annie. she’s walking and talking all of the time. She’s doing her little sign language really well, I need to teach her more.
I love it when she does her sign for “more”- her little hands together as she says “ba”. very cute.
as you can tell, annie has lost quite a bit of hair. looks like it may come in blond.
we’re just proud to be the first one year old my pediatrician has ever seen lose most of their hair.
I just don’t like myself. or this world.
This week. this week. ugh. I hate to even write the words down.
this week has been a doozy.
this week I just can’t get my act together.
the laundry. not done.
my computer (the one replacing my broken one)-slow, slow, slow
my external hard drive. the new one. the new one that has all my recovered data from the hard drive that crashed 6 weeks ago. The one that cost me ALOT of money to recover.
yeah, it failed yesterday. another phone call to the drivesavers. please send me all of my DATA AGAIN.
and the sweet, sweet annie. She’s on a nap strike. and life is hard when the Annie won’t nap.
and cooking. I just can’t seem to muster the creative energy to tackle meals. So, we’ve been eating bland meals with little love. well, maybe a little love.
it’s just a treading water kind of week. When you put your hand to the plow and it just gets stuck in the mud.
I suppose I add a heaping dose of guilt to the pile because I feel like since I am home, for the love, I should I least be able to put a warm meal on the table.
So, I write this, because sometimes you just need to purge.
And I write this, because I know that this is just a week. it’s just a week where the meals were not so great. and a lot things turned sour. and the tasks seemed more intense. and my heart just wasn’t in it. not one little bit.
What I did learn? Annie needs some play time. with other humans. And momma needs a few hours a week that are not spent giving to someone else. I realize other moms to this with much more grace than me, and much more energy, too.
I am just not there.
We are now on the waiting list for a mother’s day out program. and that, my friends, will be a welcomed blessing.
anyone feeling like their body is turning to mush, and if they eat one more thing with sugar, they might not be able to button their jeans?
The fact that snow has been on the ground here for over 3 weeks, temperatures have barely been above 20 degrees, well- it just makes me feel like a big marsh mellow.
that ends, today. Annie will be going to the little playroom at the Y, while her mom gets her marsh mellow behind on a treadmill.
2010, I see what you are trying to do, and I will not let you. No way. Marsh mellow bottoms, be gone….
sometimes I am glad to be off the radar for awhile. especially in regards to tv. when one actually keeps up week to week, there is this tension, this anxiety of what next week will hold. this has happened with the TV show LOST, for me. but I digress.
most often- I am way behind. moving, having baby, working- well, I am just too tired to keep up.
last year, after having Annie, Josh and I finally started watching the Office. And watch we did. For like 3 straight months, we watched every episode of The Office that had been filmed. and it was fun.
We recently started watching FNL. and I am in love.
There is this mix of Nostalgia and my present residence that make this show so relevant to me. maybe relevant isn’t the word. accessible is better.
Sure, there is the usual tv drama and romance. these story lines aren’t all that original. love, betrayal, more love, more betrayal. and not just romantic love.
But what I really like about this show is how real it seems. I have watched shows like the O.C., or Dawson’s Creek ( I realize I am dating myself), but though entertaining, these people do not live a life akin to mine. But this show- well, it just seems more real. The acting is kind of bad- but seemingly on purpose, meaning they are actually talking like real people. Not all this witty banter (which I enjoy, but again, not real) to take in, but more awkward conversations, which are more realistic. I mean, sure, there is plenty of TV for you to enjoy, because a totally realistic drama would not be as interesting. The people would be less pretty, they wouldn’t necessarily win the big game, etc. etc. etc.
and yet, I watch. I watch as the scenery is mixed with beauty and ruin. relationships are not so cozy. families less than intact. I watch a wife have a real fight with a husband, and also show real, patient love.
I see less than charming homes. people trying to make a living. stupid kids making stupid mistakes. I also kids feeling real, authentic emotion. I had those experiences, too. So, my high school scene was more polished. On the outside we lived in our two story homes, and drove our cars paid for by parents. My friends wore nice clothes, and the school I attended was private.Our football games were played in the shadows of tall pine trees, not wide open west Texas land. The girls really were pretty, and the boys wore button downs and said yes sir. But there was an undercurrent not unlike this show I am watching, and I have to admit, I am quite taken in by it’s story.
so there is my initial review….
if you are netflix subscriber, you can watch it free.
happy wednesday.
I announce a recipe noteworthy when I have made it at least three times. This is one of those recipes. I love it because it uses up those random grocery items and makes something really good. like you did it on purpose. And I like it when it looks l did something good on purpose!
Go here:
I don’t use the exact ingredients- as the recipe notes, it’s really good with whatever you have around. I don’t use corn, because eggs and corn don’t go together for me, but knock yourself out if it sounds good to you!
This is my first week at home in 8 weeks. I hardly know what to do with myself. This past weekend was my first to “work” weekend. I tell ya, it wasn’t HORRIBLE, but it wasn’t exactly easy either. Thankful for Josh and his willingness to help out and make this work.
well, this year was better than the last.
a new baby.
some new friends.
a new job.
a little bit of growing up.
there were some sad days, too.
So, on this last day of the year (and that is also my birthday!) I leave you with some of my year end favorites….
coolmompicks.com
lala.com
etsy.com
my sister’s shop: www.etsy.com/shop/wtingle
www.etsy.com/shop/PhatStraps
www.ergobabycarrier.com (best baby purchase BY FAR)
nieniedialogues.blogspot.com
blog.cjanerun.com
toadsdrinkcoffee.blogspot.com
www.ohdeedoh.com
smittenkitchen.com
makingitlovely.com
bohophotography.blogspot.com
and there are many, many more.
do you guys have favorite sites from this year? Please share!
Well, I am off to my 2nd cup of coffee. here’s to being 34!
What does a 34 year old get for her birthday?
sushi.
eye brows waxed.
and a nap.
all the best. and happy new year. I dare you stay up later than me. it won’t be hard.
p.s. (my links are messed up. I don’t know why. but it’s my birthday, so you’ll have to copy/paste:)
annie’s thyroid test came back normal.
so, she totally has a comb over. I’ll get a picture tomorrow.
cause you know we have to document this.
we made it! Annie did awesome. It was cold and snowy when we arrived.
I took Annie to the doctor today, and poor thing had to get some lab work drawn. that was a blast, let me tell you. It took 4 grown adults to hold her down.
So, the dr. doesn’t really know why she is losing her hair, so we are testing her thyroid. She also lost over a pound in one week (we had her well check up last week), but both of us thought that was probably an error from the last visit. hard to say. He said low thyroid in infants usually presents itself with slow growth. She has been growing, but is smallish. who knows. He said it looked like her hair was blond underneath- so too bad we lost all the long dark hair, but perhaps she’ll have more fun with blond:) His words, not mine. I do think blonds have a lot of fun, though.
if that wasn’t fun enough, I have been doing finances all afternoon. I love the holidays. I do not like the clean up. These last two months have been so crazy, we’ve barely looked at the bank account. So, there has been quite a bit of tidying up to do.
oh, and the honda will not crank.
but that’s ok, because we made it home. we have heat. we have food. we are full on so much.
looking forward to this new year. to Spring. to trying to live simply. to my new job. to Annie’s growing personality.
and seriously, she takes the cutest little steps. we’re almost walking. almost.
stay warm, people.
